Winning the Dream Goal !

My heart was pounding as if it were a lion forcing its way free out from my chest. It was at the peak of the afternoon but I was shivering. The crowd was at its feet as I walk to my post, they were cheering at the top of their lungs but I couldn’t hear them. All I hear was the sound of my own heartbeat and respiration and my knees were shaking as I try to stand my ground against the present adversary. I looked into my opponent’s eyes estimating my chances of success, the odds were against me, but that didn’t matter soon. I took a few deep breaths to release tension that was flooding me, it didn’t work. My opponent gave me a sharp glare as I positioned myself in the middle of the goalpost. I bent my knees and lifted my arms in attempt to cover as much area as possible. He took a few steps away from the ball to gather enough momentum and I prayed to my God for favor. We were both waiting for the whistle, for Him to kick the winning goal, or for me to defend the goalpost, defeat the champions and become a hero.

Championship match of the invitational soccer tournament and it was our school versus the long time defending champs. The match was a close an even one; we were playing at par with the champs even though it was the first time ever that our team reached the finals. Regular period was over and the scores were tied at zero. And to break off the tie, the teams must face in a 5 man kick-off to determine the champs. In a kick-off both teams will select 4 of their best strikers plus the goal keeper. It will be a one on one match versus a team’s striker versus the opponent’s goal keeper and the striker has only one chance of kicking the ball, if it goes in, it’s a score and of course if the goal keeper was able to block the ball then there will be no score.

The scores were tied a 4-4 and it was the champion’s last striker versus me, the goal keeper. If they manage to score, then it will be all over for us, but if I manage to block the ball then there might be a small chance for us to defeat the champs.

The whistle was blown but he still hasn’t moved an inch, he was still deciding score. Everything I was taught was useless now, when the striker kicks the ball all I have is as much as 0.02 seconds to decide where the ball is going. You can’t even call it anticipation when you only have this much time. It was his luck versus mine as he started to dash towards the ball. Is the ball going left? Right? Upper left? Upper right? Lower left? Lower right? Or straight towards me? If there’s a time to guess the perfect time would be NOW!

The moment the ball flew, I can remember it as clear as HD, everything was on slow-motion. The ball flew directly where I guessed it but the ball was moving faster than my body is. I decided a few milliseconds late. I stretched my hand as far as I can in attempt to block the ball, but I doubted I could make it. I closed my eyes and desperately trying to extend my whole body towards the ball that was traveling faster than I expected. It was all down to luck.

BLAG! BLAG! BLAG! BLAG! ARBY!!!! OPEN THE DOOR! WAKE UP! YOU’LL BE LATE FOR SCHOOL! –mom

True Story.

Ambition.

We all had our own ambitions when we were young. Some of us dreamed of going to the moon, some of us even dreamed of inventing things you can only see in the movies. Some of us dreamed of being someone they idolized and some of us dreamed of the things their parents dreamed for them. Whether its being a doctor, fireman or a law enforcer, these ambitions are our first inspiration to be someone important.

But as I look back to my younger years, I realized that I had ambitions that are distinct from others. Even my parents once told me that my ambitions in life was something out of the ordinary. As far as both me and my parents remember these are the ambitions I had and the things that inspired me to become one of these

One of the very first ambitions i had was to be a Doctor and a Pastor at the same time. Growing up in a religious family, the concept of God was the main reason why I wanted to become a "PasDoc." And another thing that contributed to this ambition was numerous stories my parents used to tell me about Jesus healing the blind, Jesus healing the deaf, Jesus healing the people with leprosy and a lot more. At one point I did want to be like Jesus and just be the almighty healer of everyone; but that dream didn't last for very long. I hated the smell of the hospital, I was in and out of the hospital, and I fear needles.

We were Soldiers, Band of Brothers, Black Hawk Down, Saving Private Ryan, and Pearl Harbor. These are the movies I grew up watching and loving. And amongst all the gunshot, grenades and explosions I fell in love with the concept of war. In this love I found another ambition, to become a war soldier. I even bought myself an air soft gun just to feel the tenacity of war. I shot dogs, cats, birds, people (of course! but i don't let myself get caught). I loved shooting other things aside from myself. But again my dream of shooting other people didn't last very long, why? Because once you experience the feeling of being shot, all your love for shooting will vanish.


There came a time in my life when I had no idea what my mom and dad does for a living. Then there also came a time in my life when every peso we had was as important as our lives. Maybe because of poverty, or because of my dad's lack of education, my dad ended up as a taxi driver for 3 months and an FX driver for another 5 months. But when you're young anything you're dad does is cool in your eyesight. Although he kept on reminding me to finish my studies so that I won't follow his footsteps, there came a time in my life when my ambition in life was to be a driver just like my dad. I didn't care what kind of vehicle I get to drive, as long as I'm driving then I'm cool with it. But of course this dream didn't last for very long after realizing how little you can earn in driving.

My mom said I had a new ambition every two weeks, but these are the only things I can remember. My mom did mentioned that I dreamed of being an astronaut, pilot, fireman, policeman, lawyer, suicide bomber, and a librarian. But as for me, I can't remember why I dreamed of these things but all I can remember was I was really excited to become someone with a title. And up until now I still dream of me being a professional one day, whatever the field as long as I'm having fun with it. But as for now, my current ambition in life is to be a . . . .













Writer.

Letters to Juliet

Dear Juliet,

Indeed, I am foolish, foolish enough to put to waste everything I was trying to salvage. I am foolish enough to hope. I am foolish enough to believe there’s still a way to return things the way it used to be. I am a fool to the extent that I miss you, even if you just used me.

You once gave back life to me. You sparked my every days. You gave me another reason to wake up and see the beauty of the world, in you. Even if others made me happy, you’re the one who completed my days. You were happiness itself. And I enjoyed every single stolen second we shared. I was truly, madly and deeply in love with you and you said you felt something too, but you were not sure about what it is you feel for me, you were never sure. I knew from the start that the things between us complicated, but I refused to see it that way. Your heart was already taken, but I was fighting for it too. You were in love with someone else; I was in love with you. Now things got more complicated, but now, I don’t bother to look at it anymore. After using me to until you get what you wanted, now I will use you to get what I need, pain.

I was on my trip on being better, But now, I'd rather not feel anything.

Misery, bitterness, hatred, anger, anguish, pain, suffering and agony what more can one man withstand? All of these became my friends, and pain became my anesthesia. Pain drowned all reasons and bitterness sweetened every frail word. Suffering fueled my agony and agony blurred my vision of hate and hate dismembered all traces of love and finally misery did its part of hardening my heart.

I no longer need you’re apologies, or your sympathy. I need not anything from you. What I need now is not to get over you, but you to die inside of me. Now that I’m null, I no longer need to run away from you. Seeing you will bring forth new waves of pain and pain will only make me numb. Hearing you will bring memories, memories that will be burned by apathy. Nothing can hurt me anymore for I’m too numb to feel.

You brought back life so that you can kill me again. This is how I summarize our story, this is how I epically failed, AGAIN.